Many days, in the haze between waking and rising, I lie there in my bed, full of hope for the day. Making plans, picking outfits in my head, deciding what I’m going to tackle, or make for dinner …you know, normal everyday things like most people. These ideas come before I actually attempt to get up because what I want to do actually has no bearing on how this day, or any given day will end up, and ideas are usually abruptly discarded as soon as I swing my legs off the bed and try to get up.
Because I, unlike most people, have Fibromyalgia, and as I try to get up, I am slapped back into my reality…which is fibromyalgia is the one who gets to decide what kind of day I’m having…and always will. I’m reminded, yet again, that the things I want to do, my plans, are of no concern to fibromyalgia. I will have to adjust to whatever symptom I’m having at any point and time, on any day. I will have to cancel plans, appointments, let people down who depend on me and possibly do the most awful thing possible…. leave the dishes in the sink and let the laundry pile up because I just don’t have the energy to do it. The joint stiffness, the muscle pain, headaches and total exhaustion force me to stay in bed with a good book and a cup of hot tea my husband has brought me, while my meds kick in bringing only temporary relief.
Yes, fibromyalgia, you win this round, but tomorrow I will wake up with great expectations for a glorious day! I will choose my favorite outfit. I will make plans, go to appointments, keep commitments I’ve made, and dishes will sparkle…because fibromyalgia, just because you got to decide today, doesn’t mean you will every day, and on those days I get to decide… those precious, wonderful pain level 4-5 no flare days…I’m ….a……warrior and you, fibromyalgia…you’re not the boss of me!